Sunday, June 5, 2011

My absence

Hello my 9 followers. I've recently been doing online classes, so I've been ignoring you, and I'm sorry. Here is a paper I wrote on How I learned to cook and clean lobster. It's kinda cutesy because its for school, so I'm sorry if you're thinking "What is this drivel?" At some point I'm sure I will "Chef for the Stupid" it up. Maybe when I write my book.


In New England, lobster is a popular and must-have dish. It is very difficult to not find a restaurant that does not serve lobster.  At Technique, the student-run restaurant at Le Cordon Bleu in Cambridge, Mass, where I did my externship was no exception. Our lobster Johnny cake had survived a round of menu changes until finally the entire school entity decided to standardize the menu.  The school had also added a lobster and endive salad (Le Cordon Bleu, 2010). We went through quite a bit of lobster, as you can imagine – and as the intern, I had the honor of cooking and cleaning (removing the meat from the shells) it all. Cooking all of that lobster has definitely taught me how to cook and clean in a quick and efficient manner.
            I was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts. In fact my mother’s family has been in New England since 1630. I was no stranger to this spiny sea creature that was one considered “poverty food” by the colonists (Gulf of Maine Research Insitute, 2000). I had prepared it many times for my parents and various relatives over the years. I thought I knew how to do it! You just boil some water and boil away! This apparently is not the case, at least not in a fine dining establishment.
            My kind, and infinitely patient Chef, Chef Ferrar had to remind me that lobster is actually very delicate, and I shouldn’t boil it quite so long and the lobster meat would retain more of its sweetness and be far more tender than what I had been used to. Of course she was right, the meat looked much better and a lot of the fat had not coagulated. It was also a lot easier to get the meat out of the shell (which is time consuming just doing one, but image two dozen before service).
            So for many weeks, I cooked my little lobsters gently, and they looked pretty. However, I was still taking a long time getting the meat out of the shell. I mean there isn’t really a lot of ways to remove lobster meat, right? Again, I was proven wrong. With all of the lobsters I did on a regular basis, every now and then Technique has wine tasting dinners. So I had to prepare lobster for 50 guests…in one day. It looked a little hopeless, but the nice things about the chefs at Le Cordon Bleu is that the last thing they want you to do is fail, so the chef who ran the wine tasting, Chef Bradley, took me aside and showed me various ways of getting the meat out of the shell quickly.  
            Chef Bradley is about a foot taller than me. He was showing me how to smash open the lobster claw with the back of my chef’s knife- which was easy for him being much bigger and much stronger than me, but really all I was doing was spraying lobster juice all over the kitchen. I did find that for me, the best way was to use the lobster crackers we had hanging around. It was a quicker and much less messy ordeal.  That done, I moved onto the possibly the best part of the lobster…the tail.
            My method had been using my chef’s knife to cut the tail in half, and retrieve the meat that way. It was pretty good, but not that efficient. Again, Chef Bradley had a solution to my problem.  He taught me that if you rip off the little flippers at the end of the tail, you can push the meat out of the top (where it had been ripped off from the head). This method had shaved about 5 minutes off the tail meat removal process. A job that used to take me 10 minutes per lobster was reduced to about three!
            I really came to enjoy cooking lobsters. After a short while, it became my duty to train all of the other externs and students how to cook, clean, and process the lobster meat for service. People came to me with questions about lobster, and I would gladly answer them. I was proud to learn it, and glad that my chefs took the time to make sure I knew how to do the job not only correctly, but quickly and effortlessly.
           
References:
Le Cordon Bleu (2010) Technique Restaurant. Retrieved from:   
Gulf of Maine Research Institute Lobstering History. (August 9, 2000) Retrieved from:

Monday, May 30, 2011

It is HOT!!

Here in the Greater Boston Area, it is hot and humid. So here is a nice lemonade recipe.

1 cup water and 1 cup sugar. Heat and stir until sugar is dissolved. Cool (or you'll heat up your COLD lemonade, dumbass). Now take 8 lemons and juice 'em (or use lemon juice in a jar- I really am too hot to care at this point) and 8 cups of cold water. Depending on how sweet you want your lemonade use a little at a time, like maybe a 1/4 c. worth to start. Or use all of it. Too. Hot. To. Care.

Friday, May 20, 2011

A new venture, bound to drive me deep into Beer nerd-dom

I am not a huge beer drinker myself- and you may be amazed by this- I have quite a few friends who are. So I am going to try brewing my own beer. I have a few friends who do this also- and let me tell you- they take beer brewing to a whole other level. And since I want to be popular and get what the hell all my friends are talking about I am going to jump on this train also.
 Since I don't drink beer, I'll just have to give it away to those in need.  Of a beer.
I'll get back to you in a few weeks. In the meantime you'll just have to put up with *fuh* cooking.

Monday, May 16, 2011

A sandwich named after a book about revenge

It's kiiiiinda like french toast except that is has no sugar. But on the plus side, it has meat and cheese. Here the sexy part: it's Deep. Fried. I'll wait while you clean yourself off.....

I don't typically measure egg to milk ratios except if I'm baking a custard, but typically 1 egg to 1 cup of milk per sandwich. Mix the eggs and milk until it is a uniform pale yellow. Salt and white pepper, and perhaps some cayenne can join the party too. What ever flavors you like.

Butter each slice of bread. This will help protect the bread from getting soggy from the egg while it is cooking(I forgot this step at work today- on all 50 sandwiches). Add a nice mild melty cheese of your choice(American, Swiss, Provolone) on either side off your sandwich. Now historically, there is ham and turkey in this sandwich. Oh! I forgot! Some recipes have you spread mustard on your sandwich before you cook it. Honey mustard sounds nice, doesn't it?
Heat a fryer to 370F. Dip your sandwich in the egg mixture. And gently swirl it in the hot oil before you entire let it go so it doesn't sink to the bottom of your fryer/fry basket and get stuck. With tongs! Not your fingers! Cook for about 2 minutes of until golden brown and delicious. Pop open an hard cider or have a Reisling (if you're feeling fancy). Enjoy. But I mean if you just want a beer and not have a sandwich, I'm okay with that too.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Got Mussels

I'm going to make this quick, fuckers. Because even those of you who don't cook can manage this one.
Buy some mussels. Buy a bottle of white wine, a couple of sweet onions and some garlic. Take the little bastards home and clean them. Pull out their beards, they are not tasty. A small knife is helpful. Toss out any mussels that are cracked or open. However, if you tap their little bums on the counter and they close they are still good.Toss the little bastards into a deep saute pan, pour in some wine, chop the onion and garlic and toss it in with the wine and mussels. Slap a tight fitting lid and turn the heat on med hi. Cook for about 5-7 minutes and turn off the heat. Toss any mussles that didn't open, it's sad I know, but for the best. Enjoy the little moules! Good with Pasta. Have a nice day.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Confessions, many in a series I'm sure.

This is not really cooking related, because at the moment I can't think of shit to write about as far as food goes, so I'm just going to write about things that have been on my mind, and the things I completely obsess about.

Music(my third passion)

I have been really loving this band: The Civil Wars Barton Hollow. The track that I love from this Singer-Songwriter duo is Poison & Wine even though to be honest I want to have sex with this entire album.  Maybe deep down I am just a sucker for banjos. And girls who play the piano. And moustaches.

The CD that I listen to on the way to work is: Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons. I'm from Boston and love Irish music. Hardcore. My favorite song is Blank White Page. I relate to this song so much it would be immoral  for me to marry it. I would probably still do it.


And finally, my sweet, sweet Adele 21 [+digital booklet]. Sing it honey! Fuck men! They suck! I agree!  RAHR! A great song to belt to in the car! Who screwed you over Adele? I will beat the SHIT out of him! Check out Turning Tables.

A side note: I GUESS I have to plug my brother's band, as he likes to plug my blog: Cradle to the Grave
 He's the talented one. Bastard. They are currently working on an album, which will be great because my stupid older brother is amazing. Thanks for sucking up all the family talent. You taco loving dick face. 


And yes, all of these links are to amazon.com because I want you to buy these albums and pretend to be me. It'll be fun, I swear. Oh, and please, share the music you like! I love music so very much, I will listen to anything! Just for the love of Key Riste don't fucking post shit about how much you hate my music. Shut up. Just shut up. I certainly don't care that you don't like the same music I do. Take your shitty attitude elsewhere Gaylord.
 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Russian Beef Dish, Not Rushing Beef Dish...but it is quick. I swear.

From Page 666 of The Joy of Cooking

Take 1 1 /2 lbs beef tenderloin (or any steak will do, just nothing too tough). Slice the shit out of it, and do the same thing with one onion.
Season it with salt and pepper.

In a totally unrelated incident, melt a couple tablespoons o'butter in a hot pan over medium heat
Whisk in 1 Tablespoon o'flour

Then whisk in vigorously a cuppa hot beef stock (oh my, sounds dirty!)
Simmer until smooth and thickened.

In yet another totally unrelated skillet that is hot add 2 tablespoons of butter. Add your sliced beef and onion and cook no more than dos minutos.

Now back to your sauce: heat that bitch up again, and add 3 Tablespoons sour cream, 1 teaspoon dijon mustard and season to taste. Toss the meat into the sauce.

You can serve it over egg noodles or rice pilaf (but that's another blog) and sauteed smushrooms (my favorite).

Enjoy!