You wanna get...cut?

Alrighty then, this particular blog is for my older brother Drew, whose obsession with all things taco is downright pathological. So I'm going to break it down in a few different blogs because the simple taco offers you many opportunities to learn. And, if you thought tacos were just meat in a shell- well you know what? It isn't. But your mom is, so there's that...

First off you need a sharp knife. At this juncture I'm not going to go convince you to buy some crazy fancy knife yet....YET. Any old kitchen knife will do. For this particular task a shorter knife is a good idea. Having a sharp knife is actually safer than a dull knife. Now pay attention because I do not want blood on my hands, or yours!

• A sharp knife will not slip on your cutting board past your tomato and straight into your hand.
• If your knife falls to the floor, LET IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Nobody I would want to know wants a knife through their palm. You can always wash it and resharpen if you have to.
• When you're washing your knife, pay attention. This is when most people (like my best friend Erica) tend to slice their pretty little fingers.
• DO NOT leave your knife in the sink, again, so you don't cut yourself or any of the little kitchen gnomes in your house on a forgotten-in-the-sink knife.
• Keep your fingers that are not holding the knife bent toward your palm. Pretty much every chef I know has a horror story of how they lopped off a fingertip, me included. Slicing lettuce even! Dumb!
• Believe it or not, a cut from a sharp knife hurts significantly less because the cut is clean and not jagged. Please don't test this out just because you have a new box of girlie cartoon princess bandages.

Please promise me you'll be careful, and for the love of the Kitchen Gods make sure your tetanus shot is up to date. 

  Tomorrow I'll tell you how to use it. Shut up. My first day at culinary school was spent discussing knife safety, and since I had to be patient, so will you. See you dudes tomorrow.

Dear groupies

I'm have the flu. Again. I'll get back to you when I'm better.

Angela

Going Banana bread

Hi there! Sorry I've been gone, I just started a new job this week. I cook dinner for a convent. No, I am not joking. Really. I do. Lovely people by the way!

I decided to talk to you about this because I was staring at about 4 pounds of rapidly ripening bananas with glee. Soon they will be mine....



Now to make a successful banananannananana bread you must understand this:
All the dry ingredients can be mixed until the cows come home, and all the wet ingredients can be mixed together until the...oh I don't know...monkeys go to college, BUT when you mix the wet and the dry together maybe don't mix them that much. Stop bitching, its okay if its a little lumpy, it'll cook out. The banana can be folded in gently and as quickly as possible. Its like forcing your kids to go to their Great Aunt's Gertie's house.  The more you mix these two together, the tougher everything will be for you later. You want a nice, tender, no giant holes having banana bread for Pete's sake don't effing mix it too much!
 Oh yeah, the recipe. Sometimes I just like verbally abusing people....oh and you DID buy yourself a food scale, right? RIGHT?!

First, preheat your oven to 375F and grease any loaf pans you're using

These are your DRY ingredients:
Sift together( except the walnuts, that would just be silly)
10 oz sugar
1 lb 8 oz Pastry flour
1.25 oz baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp salt
6 oz. chopped walnuts

These are your WET ingredients:
Mix together well.
10 oz. eggs

1 lb 8oz smushed overripe banana
8 oz melted butter, or shortening, or oil

Mix together until the dry ingredients are just moistened. Pan and bake immediately for 50 minutes( if using loaf pans). If you would like to make muffins, line with cupcake liners, or grease a muffin tin and bake at 400F for 20-30 minutes. I've found that using an ice cream scoop help spread out the batter evenly.

Good Luck and don't screw anything up. Have a nice day.

Because I don't have anything to blog about, I'm just going to abuse my blogging power to harrass you into feeding your sourdough starter.

Comfort food.

This recipe is in memory of my 19 year old British Shorthair, Page. 

1 cup of egg noodles
6 1/2 oz can/packet of chunk light tuna
1 can condensed mushroom soup
1/3 c. milk
2 handfuls crushed potato chips

Preheat your oven to 350F

Cook noodles until almost done, about 8 minutes. Drain and place into a casserole dish.
If you'd like you can add a little butter so the noodles don't stick together. Open tuna and drain, if necessary. Break it up and add to the noodles. Open and add the soup and the milk. Stir it all together until it looks pretty uniform. Sprinkle the potato chips on top. Bake for about half an hour until bubbly.

Now if you want to use breadcrumbs instead, add a little melted butter to them so they brown up really nice in the oven.

As a side note to my less skilled cooks out there: I recommend this book. I know it's for kids, but its simple and has bright colors in it! I learned to cook with this book. It even comes with color coded measuring spoons! If you can't find it on Amazon, ask around at your local bookstore.

Fried Chicken

I bet you want this to be complicated. But it isn't. It's easy. Super easy. Get some chicken pieces. Whichever happen to be your favorite. Get some flour. Add some seasoning to the flour. I personally go for salt and pepper with a little smoked paprika and garlic powder.

Salt and pepper your chicken pieces. Get a shallow dish or bowl and add some milk...like a cup or so with an egg beaten into it. Salt and pepper that.

Dredge your chicken in the flour(or shake it around in a large ziplock bag), then dip it into the milk and then throw it back into the flour. *Please don't actually throw raw chicken around your kitchen.* I suppose you could if you really wanted to...I'm not the boss of you. Just make sure you do both sides.

Then put it in a baking dish to rest.

Now get a deep skillet and put about an inch of oil in it. turn it on medium high. By the time the oil reached 375F your chicken with develop this beautiful crust. Gently place four pieces chicken into the skillet and cook for about 7-10 minutes per side. That's why food thermometers a hand to have around to check for 165F that chicken likes to be cooked to.

Holy crap, you just made fried chicken! What?!

Bad blogger! Bad!!

I know, I know. I didn't put the recipe up for corning your own beef. I lost it. I'm sorry.

I hope everyone enjoyed St. Patrick's Day as I did. Any excuse to eat parsnips is a good day for Angela. I look forward to capping off the evening with some whiskey as well...what? It aids digestion...
Tomorrow we do fried chicken!

Hmmm?

Did you feed your starter today?

Sourdough Starter

Holy crap. I love sourdough. I currently am keeping a starter as a pet. Feeding Victoria everyday, and I am rewarded with some absolutely wunderbar bread. This is an easy to start process, it just requires a few days of your occasional attention. So basically everywhere we go, there are very specific yeasts just floating around BEGGING to eat your flour and water concoction, and what they give you is a tangy, zippy dough starter.

Now here's the thing. This is essentially fermenting flour and some fruit flies can't resist. I keep mine in a gladware container that is airtight. Plus I'm sure you have one laying around.

Okay NOW we can start:

1/2 c. bread flour (easily found at the grocery store, but AP will do)
1/4 c. room 80F(if it feels slightly warm, but not cold water.)

Stir these bastards together and seal them in your airtight container.
Come back the next day(at least 12 hours) and do the same thing. And then the next day, and then the next day and then the next day, and then the next day. Same measurements....and then the next day, and then the next day. Get my drift? Like cats, and dogs, and children it likes to be fed every day. But this initial mixing in will get ya started.

Alright, once your little yeast monster is established and you happen to forget to feed it one day, just feed it extra. There is a sourdough out in the world that is 150 years old, so its easy to maintain.

If it has a pungent smell and is all gooey and bubbly, you've succeeded at something. Call your mom, she'll be so proud.

I just ate calamari for the first time. Now you try something you've never eaten!

Beer Beer Wonderful Beer!

I have a several friends who share an unhealthy obsession with making beer. Here is a recipe that goes well with BBQ chicken, Sloppy Joe's or even breakfast. Nice in lieu of corn bread...which nearly killed me to say. Please trust me.

Quick Beer bread p775 Joy of Cooking 1997 edition.

Heat your oven to 400 F and grease a loaf pan

In a large bowl, whisk together
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup All Purpose flour
1/2 c. old fashioned rolled oats
2 Tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

These are your dry  ingredients. You mix these together til your arms fall off and no harm will come to the bread. If you're feeling fancy you can also add 1/2 C. shredded sharp cheddar or Monterey Jack and 1/4 C. sliced scallions.

Then to you're shock and surprise. I'm sure you add 1 1/2 C. light or dark beer (not stout). It can be cold or room temp, but not flat. Mix until the dry ingredients are just mixed.

Spread into your loaf pan and bake 35-40 minutes. Let it cool about ten minutes before taking it out of the pan.

Hm. I wonder if this batter makes yummy pancakes. Let me know.

Beurre Blanc: The lingerie of seafood...

Oh, buerre blanc you sexy bitch. This sauce...I love this sauce.  Where I live lobster is a big, big deal. This sauce and lobster make beautiful music together. You think lobster and drawn butter is awesome, wait til you try this! It takes a little bit to make and you have to be careful

Here's the recipe:
2 oz White wine vinegar (or champagne vinegar)
6 oz white wine
2 shallots sliced (these don't have to be perfect, they're being strained out)
1 tsp whole black peppercorn
5 thyme sprigs
1 pound (4 sticks) cold butter, in small cubes (This doesn't need to be perfect either since they will be melting, but they do have to be somewhat small and very cold)
 Salt, ground white pepper, and a lemon, to taste. Oh, and a little emergency heavy cream, reduced.

1. Reduce the first five ingredients until au sec (french for 'almost dry', like about a tablespoon). This is another 'do not boil' situation. Bring to a boil and then a little faster than a simmer.
2. Over very low heat, whisk in your cold butter piece by piece, do not add more than one piece at a time, or your sauce will break. Every now and then take you pot off the heat and whisk the butter in.
3. By the time you whisk in the last of your butter, it should look like a sauce.
4. Strain through a fine mesh colander.
5. Serve immediately! It will hold if kept in a warm water bath for about an hour and a half. Also your water bath should not be above 95F or your sauce will break! Breaking BAD! A fellow chef suggested keeping it in a thermos...I mean you know if you want to be REALLY fancy.

So, if your sauce broke ( you should see big blobs of fat on the top of your sauce) do not dismay! Take about 3 tablespoons of heavy cream and reduce it until a little thick and then whisk in your broken sauce a little at a time. This will make your sauce more stable and a little richer, too. Enjoy on any kind of seafood!

Our close friend: The potato

Sorry I've been gone, the flu tried to kill me. I'm back:

How do you boil a potato? You know what? You don't.

Take your happy little potato. Wash him, perhaps peel him, and put his cute little body in a pot and cover with cold water, by about an inch. Bring to a boil and then lower to a simmer. Add salt!  If you boil a potato, you're water logging it and breaking it apart...I realize that in the case of mashed potatoes why should it matter? Believe it or not, potatoes do have a flavor that we want to maintain. You'll spend less time mixing it(and turning it into paste) and a little less butter and milk (which should also be heated up before adding to your hot potatoes)

Pommes Frites: French Fries

This is just a quick note. Should you feel the need to make your own fries, first fry them at 300F. Cool slightly, THEN fry again at 375. Holy shit. Fantastic fries.

Sal-ad? Trust me. It involves bacon.

Just a recipe today. This salad is a big hit amongst my friends. I add goat cheese to the salad at the end.

Wilted Spinach Salad w/ warm Bacon vinaigrette p. 142 Garde Manger: The Art and Craft of the Cold Kitchen

Make sure your spinach is washed, no one likes biting into a gritty salad!
For the dressing:
8oz diced bacon
3 T minced shallots
2 tsp minced garlic
1/4 c. brown sugar
1/3 c. cider vingegar
2/3 c. veg oil

For the Salad:
1 lb. 8 oz. spinach
5 hard boiled eggs, small dice
6 oz mushrooms cleaned and sliced
3 oz. thinly sliced red onion
Croutons, and Salt and Pepper to taste

1. Render bacon over med low heat, when it is crisp, remove from pan and drain.
2. Add shallots and garlic to bacon fat and sweat until soft. Stir in brown sugar. Remove pan from heat. Whisk in vinegar and oil. Season with salt and pepper.
3. Toss spinach, eggs, onions, croutons, and bacon (goat cheese if you like). And warm vinaigrette and serve immediately.

If you wanted you could cook the mushrooms with the garlic and onions! Mmmm!

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Oh, have I got a funny story about these cookies...but the recipe first:
Preheat your oven to 375F
Please have all your ingredients at room temp. Believe me this makes a difference, but even if you don't you still get pretty decent cookies.

5 oz butter (or half butter half shortening)
4 oz sugar
4oz brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
--
3 oz eggs
1 tsp. Vanilla
--
10 oz cake/pastry flour (all purpose will be fine too)
1/2 tsp. baking soda
--
10 oz chocolate chips
4 oz walnuts, chopped

Alright. Now relax. I know this recipe is by weight. The thing about baking is it has to be precise. It is a delicate balancing act here, and you need to be careful. A food scale is a huge help and it doesn't have to be fancy. If you don't have one and want to make cookies NOW! any recipe will do, just follow these directions:

Now if you have a mixer, put the butter and the sugars in the bowl and beat those suckers together until light and fluffy (its called creaming). Then add the eggs and vanilla until the eggs are fully incorporated.

In a separate bowl, mix the flour and baking soda together, or you can sift it together if you want. Gradually add the flour/baking soda mix into the wet ingredients. Try not to over stir this, just thrown in about half of the flour, mix until it's absorbed. then thrown in the other half and mix until combined.

You don't have to add walnuts if you don't want, and I don't so because they make me itchy. Anywho, toss in the chocolate chips and nuts, and stir in for about 30 seconds.

Now, if you have a cookie scoop yay! If not, no worries use a regular spoon!  When you drop the cookies onto your cookie sheet, flatten out the cookie with your fingers (dipping them in water is very helpful). If they are all roughly the same shape and thickness you won't burn anything so much. Give these guys space as well. I've found that not doing even rows helps them brown much more consistently. So for instance, you can fit 4 cookies on your first row, only put three in the next. Bake for about 8-10 minutes, and let them cool a bit before you move them to a cookie rack or plate. Enjoy.

My funny story: Of everything I've ever done in culinary school the biggest failure I ever had was with chocolate chip cookies. Yes, little ol' chocolate chip cookies. I failed my practical final so profoundly that the chef I had told his other classes about me. That bad.

That was a while ago and I have made many successful batches before and since then so have trust that I know what I'm doing. I'm sharing this with you so know that I screw things up. A LOT and OFTEN. And so can you! It's called learning!