Cabbage makes me think of Christmas

Well...yeah. I was just trying to be clever. But I've been meaning to put up this recipe just because I love it so much because it involves cabbage, bacon, and potato. I'm also dedicating it to my hetero-life mate Jill.

• 2 1/2 pounds potatoes, peeled and cubed
• 4 slices bacon
• 1/2 small head cabbage, chopped
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 1/2 cup milk
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1/4 cup butter, melted

Directions

1. Place potatoes in a saucepan with enough water to cover. Bring to a boil, and cook for 15 to 20 minutes, until tender.
2. Place bacon in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain, reserving drippings, crumble and set aside. In the reserved drippings, saute the cabbage and onion until soft and translucent. Putting a lid on the pan helps the vegetables cook faster.
3. Drain the cooked potatoes, mash with milk and season with salt and pepper. Fold in the bacon, cabbage, and onions, then transfer the mixture to a large serving bowl. Make a well in the center, and pour in the melted butter. Serve immediately.

WOW!3 steps! Just remember when you boil your potatoes to start them in cold water. Otherwise this is a pretty solid recipe. Have nice new year everyone!

Soooooo Pathetic!!

Alright, well the good news is that I have officially gotten over myself.  I like my part time non-cooking seasonal job just fine. So since it's chilly and autumn-y where I am and I'm currently eating it- here's a little recipe for broccoli cheese soup: The recipe came from here and is pretty much how I make it, but because I'm an elitist chef-type I don't really write down measurements (sorry).

• 3/4 cup butter
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 9 cups chicken stock
• 9 cups milk
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoons white pepper White pepper sucks. It smells and tastes like a subway tunnel. Use black. No one cares if you see it in the soup.
• 5 cups fresh broccoli florets
• 1 1/2 pounds processed cheese, shredded (okay, FUCK THIS USE REAL CHEESE or we can't be friends. Try a smoked gouda it's yummy and melty.)
• 3 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

1. Melt the butter in a large pot over medium heat, and mix in the flour. Reduce heat to low, and cook, stirring constantly, about 2 minutes. Mix in the chicken stock and milk (Do yourself a favor, heat these up first especially the milk it will save you a TON of time on bringing it back up to a boil) about 2 cups at a time mix with a whisk so it doesn't get lumpy, and season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, and simmer about 10 minutes.
2. Bring a pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Place the broccoli in the boiling water, and cook 2 minutes, or until just tender. Remove from heat, drain, and set aside.
3. Gradually mix the processed cheese smoked Gouda (or other actual cheese that you like) and Cheddar cheese into the large pot until melted. Mix in the broccoli. Continue cooking about 5 minutes.

There ya go. I love ya.

*Warning* This is a bitch post. Bitching will occur.

I know, I know I haven't posted any real recipes for a while. I just really haven't had the gumption, and I'm sorry. Here's a quick recap: In August, my kids, husband, and mother in law went to Disney. I had a great time despite being in Florida in August where there's no breeze and about 3000% humidity.  In September I was struggling through my own schooling while getting all three of my kids off to their various schools (which is still going on)....and then October happened. At the end of September I was offered a nice little job, significantly closer to where I live, another person to actually work with, and allegedly tons of creative control. So I reluctantly left my happy little basement at the convent for a corporate cafe....and then got fired after two weeks.  If it's any consolation to you, the owner of the cafe couldn't apologize enough to the point where I felt bad for her/him.

I'm not going to lie, I kind of saw it coming. I will also admit I was in a little over my head, it was just different gears from the convent to the cafe and I guess I just could adjust fast enough. I did a significant amount of crying (an afternoon's worth) before I got fired. Which I suppose is for the best so I didn't make a scene at the cafe.  I cried mostly because at this stage in my life I was/am just tired of hearing the same thing about my work performance over and over and over again. I don't know what to tell you. When I get nervous I instantly forget everything I know and become stunningly incompetent, so starting a new job can be a little rocky for me. But I can and have turned it around. I just was not given the opportunity to at this point. The food business is more urgent a beast than I could ever hope to tame.

I know you're probably saying "Fired only after two weeks? That isn't enough time to decide whether someone sucks or not!" I tend to agree. But hey, I was costing the owner money sooo...
(And sadly no, I can't go back to the convent, but I do have a new non-cooking job, so I won't starve).

Not gonna lie: Getting fired (and I have been fired before) this time around just took my self esteem, threw it in a bathtub full of ice, and stole its kidneys. I thought I was fine. I thought I was over it, but I'm not. I am so not. Not angry at why I was fired but what the firing did to me. I really thought I had left behind all doubt as to what to do with my life when I got my diploma, not so.

I am an optimist, I am. So feeling so depressed and hopeless and utterly useless is not something I like spending time doing.  Lying on my couch and staring at the TV while there are dishes and laundry and vacuuming to be done just makes me feel even more useless. So, while I am trying my best to get back to the optimistic me, the depressed me still seems to be in charge. I will get over it. I will I will I will I will.  I know there is a brilliant cook still in there who will make enough money to hire a housekeeper and that dog I've been wanting for some time now.

 I really feel like I should have gone through this existential bullshit in my 20s. Maybe self-doubt never goes away, not matter how old you are- but if you're lucky you can take your self doubt and transform it into something that will propel you forward in life.  I will do the same. I will. I will. I will.

A jaunty little piece about working in a kitchen...

This was also for school, but I liked it so much I put it here. Enjoy.

Life in the Culinary Industry

When any of us decide to pursue a culinary career the only thing we think about is making great food. Even just setting foot into a culinary school I had no idea just the amount of stress you put on yourself to make decent food.  Another thing we don’t really think about is the physical aspect of this job. There is standing yes, but there is also running, cutting, lifting, cleaning, all while in a sweltering kitchen for 12-14 hours a day- on top of all of the noise and stress it’s a wonder anyone stays sane at this job at all.

I do believe you need to have a certain frame of mind when cooking for a restaurant.  People don’t want their food now, they want it RIGHT NOW, and it better be perfect while you’re at it too! You must really love adventure and adrenaline, heat and close quarters. If you are lucky you have a great team of equally insane people to back you up and get you through the very long day/night.

           

There are also many hazards to be considered while working in a kitchen. As I always put it: We work with knives and fire. If you are like me, you like a sharp knife…a really sharp knife. Sometimes we forget to keep our boards dry, and bam! A slip of the knife, and say bye-bye to your fingertip! Lucky for us though, we learn how to properly dress a deep cut after about two gashes or so.  The same goes for burns. How many times have we grabbed a pot that’s been over high heat with our bare hands? Or reached into the convection oven and grave our forearm on the grates? It’s dangerous stuff!

On the more subtle side of working in a kitchen: being on your feet. Even if it isn’t crazy in your kitchen, you still have to stand up. All day. Of course you do build up a tolerance to it to some degree, but after about ten years or so, your knees and ankles (and lower back) will remind you just how precious sitting actually is. Make sure you buy really good shoes and socks with support. They aren’t glamorous, but they will save you a world of pain.

Let’s get to the real heart of the matter: you. So you manage to avoid the slings and arrows of your work day. What’s left? Time at work is time away from friends and family.  A lot of us become part of a “work family” and hang out with our coworkers after work.

After a long day, you come home to your spouse and maybe your kids (who missed you!) and your responsibilities at home. Even with all the stress at work, it doesn’t make the things you need to do and the people you need to care for go away. It can be tough, and I highly recommend making the most of your time off (which also is hard to come by especially during the holidays). Saying goodbye to your weekends and holidays is probably the most difficult part of our jobs. Even taking time off can be difficult because you feel like you are letting your work family down. In order to avoid getting burnt out, take time off and bask in the glow of taking a moment for you. You’ll come back to work refreshed and even more capable to deal with the whirlwind of fire and knives and food.

Swimming upstream

You know, I work part-time in the basement of a convent. I make decent money, make decent food, but there are days when I go "I paid 40,000 bucks to make hot dogs?" That's on my more tired days. Yes, I do make hot dogs on Saturdays, but its an old New England tradition to have Franks and Beans on Saturdays, and my sisters (nuns) love these simple dishes.

Today for instance, is the day I make Grilled Cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. One of the sisters came in and said "Did you make our favorite?" I can't help but smile, they live so simply and little things like that make them so happy (at least the sisters at my convent anyway).

But you know, I did spend a lot on my education. I should probably be working at Menton or the French Laundry or something. I have a few friends that do work at really fancy places. I have one that complains that what he cooks isn't worthy of his degree. He works at an outside bar attached to a very wonderful and posh restaurant on a beach making things like lobster rolls and nachos. I have come to this conclusion: Maybe we shouldn't worry so much  about what we're cooking, so long as we're cooking it well. Respecting the food we cook is the basic tenet of being a chef (that and never try to catch a falling knife).

I need to say this: Molecular Gastronomy is a fad. Yeah, it is pretty cool that you can make "caviar" out of any liquid (like pureed cantaloupe) with a few chemicals and  rubber tubing.  Then you get to pay 33 bucks for four cantaloupe pearls in some kind of sauce with a sprinkling of mache. Wow, I might need a doggy bag! Let me loosen my belt.

Please don't misunderstand me: there are people in this world who take food to magnificent level via Molecular gastronomy. It just will never be me. I will stay with my regular old cooking skills thanks. You can always try to persuade me otherwise.

Damn you writers block!

Writer's block sucks. Bad. Everyday I think of something to put here, and alas I think it's no good, so I don't. So my last post was nearly two months ago, and I'm sorry. A few things have happened since I last talked to you. My middle child lopped off her fingertip, my oldest got some first degree burns from some hot coffee, and my youngest is allergic to mosquito bites. I celebrated my middle kid's, my mother in law's, mine and my youngest's birthday. July was busy!

I thought really hard about writing something called "Whatever the Opposite of and Ode is to Cantaloupe" but I couldn't get anything together. I have no rational reason to hate this particular fruit. I just do.

My online class is a wine class, which I really like. I know I said I'd be brewing beer, but my kit disappeared. I think I may become a wine nerd. I'm not a huge drinker, but there is so much to learn (and I'm addicted to learning) that this may very well happen. I also happen to know two sommeliers who will only  enable this addiction. I know plenty of beermasters too. We'll see I suppose.

Is there anything that you'd like to know about? I mean there is a lot to cover out there, and I don't know where to start. You just have to be willing to let me swear at you and berate you the whole time. Don't worry it's out of love, I swear.

 I hope you're having a good summer, kids.

My absence

Hello my 9 followers. I've recently been doing online classes, so I've been ignoring you, and I'm sorry. Here is a paper I wrote on How I learned to cook and clean lobster. It's kinda cutesy because its for school, so I'm sorry if you're thinking "What is this drivel?" At some point I'm sure I will "Chef for the Stupid" it up. Maybe when I write my book.

In New England, lobster is a popular and must-have dish. It is very difficult to not find a restaurant that does not serve lobster.  At Technique, the student-run restaurant at Le Cordon Bleu in Cambridge, Mass, where I did my externship was no exception. Our lobster Johnny cake had survived a round of menu changes until finally the entire school entity decided to standardize the menu.  The school had also added a lobster and endive salad (Le Cordon Bleu, 2010). We went through quite a bit of lobster, as you can imagine – and as the intern, I had the honor of cooking and cleaning (removing the meat from the shells) it all. Cooking all of that lobster has definitely taught me how to cook and clean in a quick and efficient manner.

            I was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts. In fact my mother’s family has been in New England since 1630. I was no stranger to this spiny sea creature that was one considered “poverty food” by the colonists (Gulf of Maine Research Insitute, 2000). I had prepared it many times for my parents and various relatives over the years. I thought I knew how to do it! You just boil some water and boil away! This apparently is not the case, at least not in a fine dining establishment.

            My kind, and infinitely patient Chef, Chef Ferrar had to remind me that lobster is actually very delicate, and I shouldn’t boil it quite so long and the lobster meat would retain more of its sweetness and be far more tender than what I had been used to. Of course she was right, the meat looked much better and a lot of the fat had not coagulated. It was also a lot easier to get the meat out of the shell (which is time consuming just doing one, but image two dozen before service).

            So for many weeks, I cooked my little lobsters gently, and they looked pretty. However, I was still taking a long time getting the meat out of the shell. I mean there isn’t really a lot of ways to remove lobster meat, right? Again, I was proven wrong. With all of the lobsters I did on a regular basis, every now and then Technique has wine tasting dinners. So I had to prepare lobster for 50 guests…in one day. It looked a little hopeless, but the nice things about the chefs at Le Cordon Bleu is that the last thing they want you to do is fail, so the chef who ran the wine tasting, Chef Bradley, took me aside and showed me various ways of getting the meat out of the shell quickly.  

            Chef Bradley is about a foot taller than me. He was showing me how to smash open the lobster claw with the back of my chef’s knife- which was easy for him being much bigger and much stronger than me, but really all I was doing was spraying lobster juice all over the kitchen. I did find that for me, the best way was to use the lobster crackers we had hanging around. It was a quicker and much less messy ordeal.  That done, I moved onto the possibly the best part of the lobster…the tail.

            My method had been using my chef’s knife to cut the tail in half, and retrieve the meat that way. It was pretty good, but not that efficient. Again, Chef Bradley had a solution to my problem.  He taught me that if you rip off the little flippers at the end of the tail, you can push the meat out of the top (where it had been ripped off from the head). This method had shaved about 5 minutes off the tail meat removal process. A job that used to take me 10 minutes per lobster was reduced to about three!

            I really came to enjoy cooking lobsters. After a short while, it became my duty to train all of the other externs and students how to cook, clean, and process the lobster meat for service. People came to me with questions about lobster, and I would gladly answer them. I was proud to learn it, and glad that my chefs took the time to make sure I knew how to do the job not only correctly, but quickly and effortlessly.

           

References:

Le Cordon Bleu (2010) Technique Restaurant. Retrieved from:   

http://www.techniquerestaurant.com/TECHNIQUE_menu.pdf

Gulf of Maine Research Institute Lobstering History. (August 9, 2000) Retrieved from:

http://octopus.gma.org/lobsters/allaboutlobsters/lobsterhistory.html

It is HOT!!

Here in the Greater Boston Area, it is hot and humid. So here is a nice lemonade recipe.

1 cup water and 1 cup sugar. Heat and stir until sugar is dissolved. Cool (or you'll heat up your COLD lemonade, dumbass). Now take 8 lemons and juice 'em (or use lemon juice in a jar- I really am too hot to care at this point) and 8 cups of cold water. Depending on how sweet you want your lemonade use a little at a time, like maybe a 1/4 c. worth to start. Or use all of it. Too. Hot. To. Care.

A new venture, bound to drive me deep into Beer nerd-dom

I am not a huge beer drinker myself- and you may be amazed by this- I have quite a few friends who are. So I am going to try brewing my own beer. I have a few friends who do this also- and let me tell you- they take beer brewing to a whole other level. And since I want to be popular and get what the hell all my friends are talking about I am going to jump on this train also.
 Since I don't drink beer, I'll just have to give it away to those in need.  Of a beer.
I'll get back to you in a few weeks. In the meantime you'll just have to put up with *fuh* cooking.

A sandwich named after a book about revenge

It's kiiiiinda like french toast except that is has no sugar. But on the plus side, it has meat and cheese. Here the sexy part: it's Deep. Fried. I'll wait while you clean yourself off.....

I don't typically measure egg to milk ratios except if I'm baking a custard, but typically 1 egg to 1 cup of milk per sandwich. Mix the eggs and milk until it is a uniform pale yellow. Salt and white pepper, and perhaps some cayenne can join the party too. What ever flavors you like.

Butter each slice of bread. This will help protect the bread from getting soggy from the egg while it is cooking(I forgot this step at work today- on all 50 sandwiches). Add a nice mild melty cheese of your choice(American, Swiss, Provolone) on either side off your sandwich. Now historically, there is ham and turkey in this sandwich. Oh! I forgot! Some recipes have you spread mustard on your sandwich before you cook it. Honey mustard sounds nice, doesn't it?
Heat a fryer to 370F. Dip your sandwich in the egg mixture. And gently swirl it in the hot oil before you entire let it go so it doesn't sink to the bottom of your fryer/fry basket and get stuck. With tongs! Not your fingers! Cook for about 2 minutes of until golden brown and delicious. Pop open an hard cider or have a Reisling (if you're feeling fancy). Enjoy. But I mean if you just want a beer and not have a sandwich, I'm okay with that too.

Got Mussels

I'm going to make this quick, fuckers. Because even those of you who don't cook can manage this one.
Buy some mussels. Buy a bottle of white wine, a couple of sweet onions and some garlic. Take the little bastards home and clean them. Pull out their beards, they are not tasty. A small knife is helpful. Toss out any mussels that are cracked or open. However, if you tap their little bums on the counter and they close they are still good.Toss the little bastards into a deep saute pan, pour in some wine, chop the onion and garlic and toss it in with the wine and mussels. Slap a tight fitting lid and turn the heat on med hi. Cook for about 5-7 minutes and turn off the heat. Toss any mussles that didn't open, it's sad I know, but for the best. Enjoy the little moules! Good with Pasta. Have a nice day.

Confessions, many in a series I'm sure.

This is not really cooking related, because at the moment I can't think of shit to write about as far as food goes, so I'm just going to write about things that have been on my mind, and the things I completely obsess about.

Music(my third passion)

I have been really loving this band: The Civil Wars Barton Hollow. The track that I love from this Singer-Songwriter duo is Poison & Wine even though to be honest I want to have sex with this entire album.  Maybe deep down I am just a sucker for banjos. And girls who play the piano. And moustaches.

The CD that I listen to on the way to work is: Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons. I'm from Boston and love Irish music. Hardcore. My favorite song is Blank White Page. I relate to this song so much it would be immoral  for me to marry it. I would probably still do it.


And finally, my sweet, sweet Adele 21 [+digital booklet]. Sing it honey! Fuck men! They suck! I agree!  RAHR! A great song to belt to in the car! Who screwed you over Adele? I will beat the SHIT out of him! Check out Turning Tables.

A side note: I GUESS I have to plug my brother's band, as he likes to plug my blog: Cradle to the Grave
 He's the talented one. Bastard. They are currently working on an album, which will be great because my stupid older brother is amazing. Thanks for sucking up all the family talent. You taco loving dick face. 


And yes, all of these links are to amazon.com because I want you to buy these albums and pretend to be me. It'll be fun, I swear. Oh, and please, share the music you like! I love music so very much, I will listen to anything! Just for the love of Key Riste don't fucking post shit about how much you hate my music. Shut up. Just shut up. I certainly don't care that you don't like the same music I do. Take your shitty attitude elsewhere Gaylord.
 

Russian Beef Dish, Not Rushing Beef Dish...but it is quick. I swear.

From Page 666 of The Joy of Cooking

Take 1 1 /2 lbs beef tenderloin (or any steak will do, just nothing too tough). Slice the shit out of it, and do the same thing with one onion.
Season it with salt and pepper.

In a totally unrelated incident, melt a couple tablespoons o'butter in a hot pan over medium heat
Whisk in 1 Tablespoon o'flour

Then whisk in vigorously a cuppa hot beef stock (oh my, sounds dirty!)
Simmer until smooth and thickened.

In yet another totally unrelated skillet that is hot add 2 tablespoons of butter. Add your sliced beef and onion and cook no more than dos minutos.

Now back to your sauce: heat that bitch up again, and add 3 Tablespoons sour cream, 1 teaspoon dijon mustard and season to taste. Toss the meat into the sauce.

You can serve it over egg noodles or rice pilaf (but that's another blog) and sauteed smushrooms (my favorite).

Enjoy!

What have I been telling you?!

I sliced my finger open today. You know why? I didn't tuck in my ring finger when I was mincing an onion. Tuck your fingers in!  Totally of blog topic, I love this album. Now buy it.

Quiche for the stupid

Why yes, another fattening french dish! Quiche combines my two passions: pie and home fries. So here ya go. And yes, there are shortcuts in this recipe because honestly I do not feel like getting into making pie dough, alright?!

For the homefries, its simple. Take a couple of potatoes (any kind you like, I prefer yukon gold, but whatever you like is fine). Bake them off. About six minutes in the microwave per potato will do. Or if you like to wait for food, bake in the oven for about 24 minutes. Whatever. Don't care. Just bake your damn potato.

I like my homefries with peppers, onions, garlic, and mushrooms(1/2 and onion, a whole pepper, and about 6-8 mushrooms,  1 tsp garlic should do it!). Dice all of these things and mix together with your diced potato(Remember the stuff called salt and pepper, use it liberally). Heat up a skillet with enough oil to coat the bottom. Toss in the potato mixture and fry to your liking. I like mine kinda on the dark and crispy side.

Now when that is done, let it rest and cool and all that shit.

Get a pre-made pie shell and throw it (gently) into your pie pan. Bake it at 375F for about 10 minutes. You could do this while your home fry stuff is frying. Let it cool.

Grate about a cup of your favorite cheesy cheese. I really like provolone, but you could do cheddar, mozzarella, pepper jack, the cheese world is your oyster!

Now in a separate bowl take 4 large eggs and beat them until its smooth and yellow. Add two cups of whole milk or light cream depending on how rich you want it. Beat them together.


Take your favorite cheese, and sprinkle it into the bottom of the pie plate. Now toss in the home fries and egg mixture. I suggest putting your pie pan on a cookie sheet and then putting it in the oven. It help insulate it and if anything spills, it won't get all over your oven.  Bake at 375F for about half an hour until the center of your pie is a little jiggly.

And NO, I have not forgotten about bacon. If you want to crumble up some bacon into this quiche be my guest! Sounds delicious! Have fun and as usual, don't burn your house down.

Eggs+Sugar+Cream+Fire=Creme Brulee (For Eddie)

This dish is a big "Up Yours" to Ice Cream. Smooth, creamy, and a delightful crunch. So easy to make! Some tools you'll need:

• A roasting pan
• Four to six ramekins(like teeny tiny casserole dishes)
• A small butane torch (or use your broiler)
• Fine mesh strainer

This dish is a treat- so I suggest going balls out on quality ingredients. Get whole Vanilla beans, and Turbinado sugar (you can find it at the grocery store 'Sugar in the Raw' is good)
This is  Paula Deen's recipe: (my directions)

• 2 cups heavy cream
• 1 vanilla bean, slit lengthwise (take a small knife tip and scrape out the inside and drop into the cream)
• 4 large egg yolks
• 1/4 cup, plus 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1/3 to 1/2 cup white granulated or light brown sugar(or Sugar in the raw, like I said)

In a heavy-bottomed medium stainless steel saucepan, heat cream with vanilla bean over medium-low heat for 15 minutes, keep stirring so the eggs don't curdle.

 Turn off the heat and let the vanilla bean steep for about 15 minutes. Then get it the fuck out of your life. It's served its purpose....I suppose if you rinse it off and let it dry, you can stick it in your sugar jar. IF YOU MUST.

Strain through a fine mesh strainer. Strain it into something that makes it easy for your to pour it

Either whisk or throw into your mixer the egg yolks for about five minutes until light in color. Gradually beat in 1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar. Add about half the cream, a little at a time to the egg mixture, whisking until well blended. Then pour the egg mixture into the remaining cream mixture. Stir until completely blended.


Pour the custard into 4 (9-ounce) ramekins.  Place the dishes in large baking pan. Put the roasting pan into the over and THEN add the water. This helps you avoid sloshing water into your happy little bowls of cream. Pour enough hot water into the pan to come halfway up the sides of the ramekins. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until the mixture is set in the center (it should still wiggle when shaken). Carefully remove the dishes from the baking pan(some people use a spatula to help lift them out. Let cool to room temperature and then refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or up to 24 hours. Let creme brulee stand at room temperature 20 minutes before serving.

Divide 1/3 to 1/2 cup white or light brown sugar in a thin, even layer over each custard, covering it completely. To caramelize the sugar, light a butane torch and hold it so the flame just touches the surface. Start at the center and spiral out toward the edges of the ramekins. If the sugar begins to burn, pull the torch away and blow on the sugar to extinguish the flame. Serve immediately.

Now kids, please for the love of Gawd be careful. Please don't set yourself, your cat, your curtains, your husband, your kids, your entertainment lawyer, your mailman or anything else on fire. Fire Bad! You can't enjoy creme brulee whilst on fire. Now go enjoy my favorite dessert, or I'll cut you!

Dough Boy

Making your own pizza dough can be fun. And I say "feh" to all those who buy their dough. I mean in a pinch yes, fine go ahead. I have kids. I know about feeding people in a timely manner. Just for once don't be a pansy and try it for yourself. Plus, you've rendered my blog useless if you don't try it yourself. So thanks. Jerk.

In a mixer, with dough hook attatchment:

• 1 packet active dry yeast
• 1 1/3 c warm water (95 degrees, anything over 100 degrees will kill yeast)

Mix these two lovebirds together and let it sit and bubble for five minutes or so.  Then add to the party:

• 3 1/2 to 4 cups of bread flour (AP will do too, you'll just have a different texture crust)
• 2 T Olive oil
• 1 T salt
• 1 T sugar

Mix for a minute just to combine ingredients. Then knead the dough for 10 minutes(by hand or on low to med speed on your mixer), til its smooth and elastic. 

Move this bitch to a large metal bowl that is lightly oiled (if you got one kicking around, these conduct the warmth you need to rise the dough much more evenly and quickly). Cover with plastic and put in warm place 75 to 80F. I usually put mine next to my floor heater. This should take a couple hours, but check on it after and hour or so.

But how do I know if its doubled in volume you say? Well, on your plastic wrap, trace a circle around your dough. If its grown out of this circle, its pretty much doubled.

Preheat your oven to 475F. If you have a baking stone, preheat it for 45 minutes

Grab you dough, punch it down in anger...or glee- whatever suits you. Just don't hurt yourself! Divide in half (which is easier if you buy a food scale like I told you to.)

Using floured hands(not table) roll your pieces into tight little balls. Use the heel of your palm to do this. If things get sticky, re-flour your hands.

Cover your balls with plastic wrap and let rest for about 15 minutes.

Now take your first ball and flatten it into a disk. If it bounces back too much, it needs more time to rest. Nobody likes a cranky, tired two year old which is what your ball of dough is to the universe if it bounces back.

Okay there are many ways to stretch out pizza dough. You can use a rolling pin: my advice here is to start in the middle and roll up and turn the dough a quarter turn and roll from the middle up. and so on until you get about a 12 inch pizza.

You can hand stretch it, either by spinning (which I admittedly do not know how to do, but I do know someone who does) or hand stretching it on the table. Take your left palm (if you're right handed, reverse if left handed) and place it in the middle of your dough and with your right hand pull gently at the twelve o'clock point and then turn a quarter turn and repeat until desired size. Then fold over the edges and brush the dough with Olive oil.

Place on a baking sheet (either to cook on or slide gently onto your baking stone dusted with cornmeal) add your sauce and whatever kind of cheese and toppings you like to put on pizza. I personally like mozzarella and asiago. Slide into the oven (or baking stone in oven) on the bottom shelf. Bake for about 12 minutes. When its done, sprinkle with some kosher salt and serve.

But ultimately its easier after a long day at work and traffic to just order a pizza, which we are all allowed to do once in a while. Now never give me shit about ordering a pizza again.

Because I got shit for ordering a pizza....

...now you little bastards get to see the time and effort put into a pizza. I mean a GOOD pizza.

First, the sauce. Sure you can buy jarred- but then some Italian friend will look down on you and hit you in the ass with a spoon (I know this sounds racist, but it really has happened to me *ahem* Vincent)

The one thing I don't mind buying canned is tomatoes. These are actually more flavorful than the whole tomatoes you find in the grocery store(like San Marzanos for instance). If you want to be super dorky, grow your own roma tomatoes, I mean why not add months to the effort?! You got time, right?!

• 4 oz salt pork, or bacon (or olive oil si vous preferez)
• 1 large onion, diced
• 1 large carrot, diced**
• 4 qts(128oz) tomatoes canned or fresh
• 2 qts (64oz) tomato puree
• A sachet containing: 2 garlic cloves, 1 bay leaf, 1/4 tsp dried rosemary, 1/4 tsp oregano, 1/4 tsp peppercorns, crushed
• Salt and sugar to taste

Render the salt pork over a med low heat. Add your onions and carrots and cook until the onions are translucent. You can brown them if you want, it adds more flavor, but just don't brown them too much- this sauce cooks for a long time.

Add the tomatoes and their juices, the puree, and the sachet. Bring to a boil, then turn down the heat and simmer for a couple hours. This sauce likes to burn so be careful. You could toss it in a 300F oven to avoid this.
You can strain the sauce or run it through a food mill or food processor or just leave it be. Taste and add salt and sugar as you desire.


**Before you attempt to dice the carrot break it down into two inch pieces before dicing, and make sure you flatten out a side before cutting!


Or option Two! (if you want to be a lazy asshole)

3 oz shallots chopped fine
6 garlic cloves chopped fine
1/4 c olive oil
1 lb 8oz fresh tomatoes chopped fine
salt and pepper to taste

1. Sweat shallots and garlic in olive oil. That means cook over a low heat and do not brown.
2. Add tomatoes and cook until thickened.
3. Season.

Taco Finale

Alright you taco lovers, so you know how to dice a tomato, the fundamental idea of dicing is the same for all things you'd like to dice: a few horizontal slices, and an equal amount of vertical slices and viola, you have diced something! Also, I am fairly sure you know how to brown hamburger in a pan, and taco shells are readily available to you so quickly here is a taco seasoning recipe, followed by a recipe for salsa fresca.

Seasoning:

• 4 teaspoons dried minced onion
• 3 teaspoons chili powder
• 1 teaspoon cornstarch
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper

This recipe makes about a quart of salsa..should be enough for you little monsters and is from The Garde Manger Book(p. 44) I love so much.

1 lb. diced tomato
1/2 onion, diced
1 green pepper diced
2 garlic cloves, chopped finely
1 T chopped fresh cilantro (dry will just not cut it)
1 tsp chopped oregano
1/4 cup (in a liquid measure! They have pourable spouts) lime juice
1 jalapeno, minced (fancy talk for teeny tiny dice)
2 Tablespoons Olive Oil
1/4 tsp ground black pepper (it would be fresh if you had a pepper grinder)
2 tsp salt

Combine and let sit. It is pretty rad when it get to rest for a day. In the fridge.

There. Now you have your salsa, your cheese, and your meat. Enjoy!

A little treat for my true taco lovers!

How to make your own Queso Blanco!

1/2 gallon (64oz) Whole milk
2 Tablespoons cider vinegar
2 Tablespoons kosher salt

1. Heat the milk to 185F stirring often to prevent scorching.
2. Gradually add the vinegar and the salt. Remove from heat when the milk has solidified (this is call a 'curd')
3.  Using a cheesecloth lined(a couple layers will do) colander over a bowl drain the curd for a few hours (one, if you're really desperate for cheese)

Use this right away or cover and refrigerate for one week.

p.380 The Art and Craft of the Cold Kitchen: Garde Manger 3rd Edition

Tomatter...Taco Puzzle Piece part II

Alrighty. So your have you knife and your cutting board with a damp towel underneath so it doesn't slide around while you're cutting with your supah-shaahp knife dude. Okay. Do you have your tomato? Wash it. Dry it.

Think of  the tomato as the planet Earth with a north pole and a south pole. The top of the tomato where it was connected to the plant(known as the 'blossom end') is the north pole. Slice (keeping your friggin fingers on your non-knife using hand tucked back) the north pole and then the south pole off.

Flip your topless tomato onto its cut, and therefore flat side.  This is one of those times where you should listen: A tomato is round, yes? Round things like to roll, yes? Rolling things+sharp knives+squishy, easily cut flesh=BAD. Now, slice that sucker in half one more time. You have to halves of your tomato. Good for you. You should call your mom and tell her all about it. I'm sure she'll totally care.

Put one of your tomato halves to the side. Alrighty, now, with your FLAT side on your cutting board. Slowly and carefully (with your palm gently placed on the rounded side, and your thumb tucked in) slice from the north pole to the south pole( i.e. vertically) in about 1/4" slices. A 1/4" is about the width of your pinky nail. About three slices should be good.

If your knife is sharp, and you are being careful, this should be an easy process. If your knife isn't that sharp and you're fighting to cut through tomato skin (which is sad, really) you may slip and sever a tendon in your forearm, which is something we'd like to avoid, right?

Okay good. Now Trying your best to stay at 1/4", slice horizontally (fingers tucked the hell in, I can't stress this shit enough) probably about six slices should do ya, depending on the size of your tomato. OMFG, you just diced a tomato muthableepah!

You wanna get...cut?

Alrighty then, this particular blog is for my older brother Drew, whose obsession with all things taco is downright pathological. So I'm going to break it down in a few different blogs because the simple taco offers you many opportunities to learn. And, if you thought tacos were just meat in a shell- well you know what? It isn't. But your mom is, so there's that...

First off you need a sharp knife. At this juncture I'm not going to go convince you to buy some crazy fancy knife yet....YET. Any old kitchen knife will do. For this particular task a shorter knife is a good idea. Having a sharp knife is actually safer than a dull knife. Now pay attention because I do not want blood on my hands, or yours!

• A sharp knife will not slip on your cutting board past your tomato and straight into your hand.
• If your knife falls to the floor, LET IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Nobody I would want to know wants a knife through their palm. You can always wash it and resharpen if you have to.
• When you're washing your knife, pay attention. This is when most people (like my best friend Erica) tend to slice their pretty little fingers.
• DO NOT leave your knife in the sink, again, so you don't cut yourself or any of the little kitchen gnomes in your house on a forgotten-in-the-sink knife.
• Keep your fingers that are not holding the knife bent toward your palm. Pretty much every chef I know has a horror story of how they lopped off a fingertip, me included. Slicing lettuce even! Dumb!
• Believe it or not, a cut from a sharp knife hurts significantly less because the cut is clean and not jagged. Please don't test this out just because you have a new box of girlie cartoon princess bandages.

Please promise me you'll be careful, and for the love of the Kitchen Gods make sure your tetanus shot is up to date. 

  Tomorrow I'll tell you how to use it. Shut up. My first day at culinary school was spent discussing knife safety, and since I had to be patient, so will you. See you dudes tomorrow.

Dear groupies

I'm have the flu. Again. I'll get back to you when I'm better.

Angela

Going Banana bread

Hi there! Sorry I've been gone, I just started a new job this week. I cook dinner for a convent. No, I am not joking. Really. I do. Lovely people by the way!

I decided to talk to you about this because I was staring at about 4 pounds of rapidly ripening bananas with glee. Soon they will be mine....



Now to make a successful banananannananana bread you must understand this:
All the dry ingredients can be mixed until the cows come home, and all the wet ingredients can be mixed together until the...oh I don't know...monkeys go to college, BUT when you mix the wet and the dry together maybe don't mix them that much. Stop bitching, its okay if its a little lumpy, it'll cook out. The banana can be folded in gently and as quickly as possible. Its like forcing your kids to go to their Great Aunt's Gertie's house.  The more you mix these two together, the tougher everything will be for you later. You want a nice, tender, no giant holes having banana bread for Pete's sake don't effing mix it too much!
 Oh yeah, the recipe. Sometimes I just like verbally abusing people....oh and you DID buy yourself a food scale, right? RIGHT?!

First, preheat your oven to 375F and grease any loaf pans you're using

These are your DRY ingredients:
Sift together( except the walnuts, that would just be silly)
10 oz sugar
1 lb 8 oz Pastry flour
1.25 oz baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp salt
6 oz. chopped walnuts

These are your WET ingredients:
Mix together well.
10 oz. eggs

1 lb 8oz smushed overripe banana
8 oz melted butter, or shortening, or oil

Mix together until the dry ingredients are just moistened. Pan and bake immediately for 50 minutes( if using loaf pans). If you would like to make muffins, line with cupcake liners, or grease a muffin tin and bake at 400F for 20-30 minutes. I've found that using an ice cream scoop help spread out the batter evenly.

Good Luck and don't screw anything up. Have a nice day.

Because I don't have anything to blog about, I'm just going to abuse my blogging power to harrass you into feeding your sourdough starter.

Comfort food.

This recipe is in memory of my 19 year old British Shorthair, Page. 

1 cup of egg noodles
6 1/2 oz can/packet of chunk light tuna
1 can condensed mushroom soup
1/3 c. milk
2 handfuls crushed potato chips

Preheat your oven to 350F

Cook noodles until almost done, about 8 minutes. Drain and place into a casserole dish.
If you'd like you can add a little butter so the noodles don't stick together. Open tuna and drain, if necessary. Break it up and add to the noodles. Open and add the soup and the milk. Stir it all together until it looks pretty uniform. Sprinkle the potato chips on top. Bake for about half an hour until bubbly.

Now if you want to use breadcrumbs instead, add a little melted butter to them so they brown up really nice in the oven.

As a side note to my less skilled cooks out there: I recommend this book. I know it's for kids, but its simple and has bright colors in it! I learned to cook with this book. It even comes with color coded measuring spoons! If you can't find it on Amazon, ask around at your local bookstore.

Fried Chicken

I bet you want this to be complicated. But it isn't. It's easy. Super easy. Get some chicken pieces. Whichever happen to be your favorite. Get some flour. Add some seasoning to the flour. I personally go for salt and pepper with a little smoked paprika and garlic powder.

Salt and pepper your chicken pieces. Get a shallow dish or bowl and add some milk...like a cup or so with an egg beaten into it. Salt and pepper that.

Dredge your chicken in the flour(or shake it around in a large ziplock bag), then dip it into the milk and then throw it back into the flour. *Please don't actually throw raw chicken around your kitchen.* I suppose you could if you really wanted to...I'm not the boss of you. Just make sure you do both sides.

Then put it in a baking dish to rest.

Now get a deep skillet and put about an inch of oil in it. turn it on medium high. By the time the oil reached 375F your chicken with develop this beautiful crust. Gently place four pieces chicken into the skillet and cook for about 7-10 minutes per side. That's why food thermometers a hand to have around to check for 165F that chicken likes to be cooked to.

Holy crap, you just made fried chicken! What?!

Bad blogger! Bad!!

I know, I know. I didn't put the recipe up for corning your own beef. I lost it. I'm sorry.

I hope everyone enjoyed St. Patrick's Day as I did. Any excuse to eat parsnips is a good day for Angela. I look forward to capping off the evening with some whiskey as well...what? It aids digestion...
Tomorrow we do fried chicken!

Hmmm?

Did you feed your starter today?

Sourdough Starter

Holy crap. I love sourdough. I currently am keeping a starter as a pet. Feeding Victoria everyday, and I am rewarded with some absolutely wunderbar bread. This is an easy to start process, it just requires a few days of your occasional attention. So basically everywhere we go, there are very specific yeasts just floating around BEGGING to eat your flour and water concoction, and what they give you is a tangy, zippy dough starter.

Now here's the thing. This is essentially fermenting flour and some fruit flies can't resist. I keep mine in a gladware container that is airtight. Plus I'm sure you have one laying around.

Okay NOW we can start:

1/2 c. bread flour (easily found at the grocery store, but AP will do)
1/4 c. room 80F(if it feels slightly warm, but not cold water.)

Stir these bastards together and seal them in your airtight container.
Come back the next day(at least 12 hours) and do the same thing. And then the next day, and then the next day and then the next day, and then the next day. Same measurements....and then the next day, and then the next day. Get my drift? Like cats, and dogs, and children it likes to be fed every day. But this initial mixing in will get ya started.

Alright, once your little yeast monster is established and you happen to forget to feed it one day, just feed it extra. There is a sourdough out in the world that is 150 years old, so its easy to maintain.

If it has a pungent smell and is all gooey and bubbly, you've succeeded at something. Call your mom, she'll be so proud.

I just ate calamari for the first time. Now you try something you've never eaten!

Beer Beer Wonderful Beer!

I have a several friends who share an unhealthy obsession with making beer. Here is a recipe that goes well with BBQ chicken, Sloppy Joe's or even breakfast. Nice in lieu of corn bread...which nearly killed me to say. Please trust me.

Quick Beer bread p775 Joy of Cooking 1997 edition.

Heat your oven to 400 F and grease a loaf pan

In a large bowl, whisk together
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup All Purpose flour
1/2 c. old fashioned rolled oats
2 Tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

These are your dry  ingredients. You mix these together til your arms fall off and no harm will come to the bread. If you're feeling fancy you can also add 1/2 C. shredded sharp cheddar or Monterey Jack and 1/4 C. sliced scallions.

Then to you're shock and surprise. I'm sure you add 1 1/2 C. light or dark beer (not stout). It can be cold or room temp, but not flat. Mix until the dry ingredients are just mixed.

Spread into your loaf pan and bake 35-40 minutes. Let it cool about ten minutes before taking it out of the pan.

Hm. I wonder if this batter makes yummy pancakes. Let me know.

Beurre Blanc: The lingerie of seafood...

Oh, buerre blanc you sexy bitch. This sauce...I love this sauce.  Where I live lobster is a big, big deal. This sauce and lobster make beautiful music together. You think lobster and drawn butter is awesome, wait til you try this! It takes a little bit to make and you have to be careful

Here's the recipe:
2 oz White wine vinegar (or champagne vinegar)
6 oz white wine
2 shallots sliced (these don't have to be perfect, they're being strained out)
1 tsp whole black peppercorn
5 thyme sprigs
1 pound (4 sticks) cold butter, in small cubes (This doesn't need to be perfect either since they will be melting, but they do have to be somewhat small and very cold)
 Salt, ground white pepper, and a lemon, to taste. Oh, and a little emergency heavy cream, reduced.

1. Reduce the first five ingredients until au sec (french for 'almost dry', like about a tablespoon). This is another 'do not boil' situation. Bring to a boil and then a little faster than a simmer.
2. Over very low heat, whisk in your cold butter piece by piece, do not add more than one piece at a time, or your sauce will break. Every now and then take you pot off the heat and whisk the butter in.
3. By the time you whisk in the last of your butter, it should look like a sauce.
4. Strain through a fine mesh colander.
5. Serve immediately! It will hold if kept in a warm water bath for about an hour and a half. Also your water bath should not be above 95F or your sauce will break! Breaking BAD! A fellow chef suggested keeping it in a thermos...I mean you know if you want to be REALLY fancy.

So, if your sauce broke ( you should see big blobs of fat on the top of your sauce) do not dismay! Take about 3 tablespoons of heavy cream and reduce it until a little thick and then whisk in your broken sauce a little at a time. This will make your sauce more stable and a little richer, too. Enjoy on any kind of seafood!

Our close friend: The potato

Sorry I've been gone, the flu tried to kill me. I'm back:

How do you boil a potato? You know what? You don't.

Take your happy little potato. Wash him, perhaps peel him, and put his cute little body in a pot and cover with cold water, by about an inch. Bring to a boil and then lower to a simmer. Add salt!  If you boil a potato, you're water logging it and breaking it apart...I realize that in the case of mashed potatoes why should it matter? Believe it or not, potatoes do have a flavor that we want to maintain. You'll spend less time mixing it(and turning it into paste) and a little less butter and milk (which should also be heated up before adding to your hot potatoes)

Pommes Frites: French Fries

This is just a quick note. Should you feel the need to make your own fries, first fry them at 300F. Cool slightly, THEN fry again at 375. Holy shit. Fantastic fries.

Sal-ad? Trust me. It involves bacon.

Just a recipe today. This salad is a big hit amongst my friends. I add goat cheese to the salad at the end.

Wilted Spinach Salad w/ warm Bacon vinaigrette p. 142 Garde Manger: The Art and Craft of the Cold Kitchen

Make sure your spinach is washed, no one likes biting into a gritty salad!
For the dressing:
8oz diced bacon
3 T minced shallots
2 tsp minced garlic
1/4 c. brown sugar
1/3 c. cider vingegar
2/3 c. veg oil

For the Salad:
1 lb. 8 oz. spinach
5 hard boiled eggs, small dice
6 oz mushrooms cleaned and sliced
3 oz. thinly sliced red onion
Croutons, and Salt and Pepper to taste

1. Render bacon over med low heat, when it is crisp, remove from pan and drain.
2. Add shallots and garlic to bacon fat and sweat until soft. Stir in brown sugar. Remove pan from heat. Whisk in vinegar and oil. Season with salt and pepper.
3. Toss spinach, eggs, onions, croutons, and bacon (goat cheese if you like). And warm vinaigrette and serve immediately.

If you wanted you could cook the mushrooms with the garlic and onions! Mmmm!

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Oh, have I got a funny story about these cookies...but the recipe first:
Preheat your oven to 375F
Please have all your ingredients at room temp. Believe me this makes a difference, but even if you don't you still get pretty decent cookies.

5 oz butter (or half butter half shortening)
4 oz sugar
4oz brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
--
3 oz eggs
1 tsp. Vanilla
--
10 oz cake/pastry flour (all purpose will be fine too)
1/2 tsp. baking soda
--
10 oz chocolate chips
4 oz walnuts, chopped

Alright. Now relax. I know this recipe is by weight. The thing about baking is it has to be precise. It is a delicate balancing act here, and you need to be careful. A food scale is a huge help and it doesn't have to be fancy. If you don't have one and want to make cookies NOW! any recipe will do, just follow these directions:

Now if you have a mixer, put the butter and the sugars in the bowl and beat those suckers together until light and fluffy (its called creaming). Then add the eggs and vanilla until the eggs are fully incorporated.

In a separate bowl, mix the flour and baking soda together, or you can sift it together if you want. Gradually add the flour/baking soda mix into the wet ingredients. Try not to over stir this, just thrown in about half of the flour, mix until it's absorbed. then thrown in the other half and mix until combined.

You don't have to add walnuts if you don't want, and I don't so because they make me itchy. Anywho, toss in the chocolate chips and nuts, and stir in for about 30 seconds.

Now, if you have a cookie scoop yay! If not, no worries use a regular spoon!  When you drop the cookies onto your cookie sheet, flatten out the cookie with your fingers (dipping them in water is very helpful). If they are all roughly the same shape and thickness you won't burn anything so much. Give these guys space as well. I've found that not doing even rows helps them brown much more consistently. So for instance, you can fit 4 cookies on your first row, only put three in the next. Bake for about 8-10 minutes, and let them cool a bit before you move them to a cookie rack or plate. Enjoy.

My funny story: Of everything I've ever done in culinary school the biggest failure I ever had was with chocolate chip cookies. Yes, little ol' chocolate chip cookies. I failed my practical final so profoundly that the chef I had told his other classes about me. That bad.

That was a while ago and I have made many successful batches before and since then so have trust that I know what I'm doing. I'm sharing this with you so know that I screw things up. A LOT and OFTEN. And so can you! It's called learning!

The brisket is now brining. Smells good already! So in about three days we can cook this bastard. Dinner at my house!

Corn this!

So, a pal o' mine suggest I help out with corned beef and cabbage. I'm going to give it a go and then report to you. I personally don't trust the corned beef in the stores, so I'll make my own and then show you how to make it. This dish is delightfully simple, if you can put water in a pot you can make it.  I'll tell you about it soon!

Stock Part Three: Straining, cooling and storing

Ugh- now here is a tough spot: Straining. I do not have the biggest kitchen in the world, in fact two people in my kitchen makes it crowded.  Making straining a pot of stock a little tricky i.e. elbow room!  Get another pot (liquids will not cool in plastic as it is an insulator).  Plop a colander or strainer into the empty pot(you can use cheesecloth here if you feel you need to, but don't run out and get any if you don't have any) and carefully pour.


Cooling a stock quickly is paramount to prevent contamination. Another reason for cooling it down quickly is that when you stick it in your fridge/freezer it doesn't warm up or melt anything you would like to remain chilly.  If your sink is relatively deep, you are in luck. Put the pot in your sink (bathtubs are great for this too, but if you're like me and have a bathtub on your second floor, its not really recommended to carry up a giant pot of hot liquid up the stairs, a large cooler would work nicely!). Make sure you plug your sink! If you have tons of ice lying around, good! Put the ice around the pot and start running the water. Do NOT let the ice bath rise above the level of stock in your pot or it will bounce around your sink. Then let the ice bath do its thang. Check the temperature ideally it's temp should be around 40 degrees F, and stir it every now and then. Yes, you can stir it to your hearts content now!

Once it's cooled, you can store it in plastic containers with tight lids. This stuff freezes really well and will last a few months in the freezer. Date it and label it to save confusion later.

Stock part two: Oh yeah, vegetables!

Since I said I could go on I will, because I left so much out the last time. I'll even give you a recipe!

This recipe is for a white stock, which basically means you're not roasting the bones or the veggies before you cook it.

For one gallon of stock:

5-6 lbs of bones (chicken or veal)
1 lb mirepoix (8 oz Onion, 4 oz celery, 4 oz carrot, peeled)
5-6 quarts water (which is about enough to cover plus 1 ")
1 Sachet: thyme, bay leaf, peppercorns, parsley stems, whole cloves, and garlic cloves(if you want)

The sachet can be any or all of those things depending on what flavors you want. But remember this: NEVER ADD SALT to the stock, it should be flavorful enough. Once you've put your soup together, you can adjust the seasoning then.

Now onto your carrots and celery, I recommend cutting them on the bias, more surface area= more flavor. Please don't fuss over how perfectly they are cut. Just quarter your onion and be done with it! If you feel you must fuss over something, fuss over how clean they are.

Throw it all into a pot, cover and bring to a boil( I know I said no boiling, but if you want to sit around all day while 6 quarts of water comes to a simmer be my guest,and congrats on having all that free time) then SIMMER  for 3-4 hours for chicken bones and 6-8 hours for veal/beef bones. I'm not going to lie to you- veal bones are hard to find and if you DO find them they are expensive because restaurants have dibs on them. Maybe you could try oxtail, usually they have beef bones kicking around the supermarket, ask around. There are also ham bones which if you are feeling saucy, save and freeze, or pick some up at the supermarket.

But what about fish stock Angela? Ugh. Why would you want your house smelling like that? Cod bones are good, any bony white fish really just don't use salmon its WAY too fishy(a seasoned chef said it to me, so it must be bad).

NO stirring, boiling, covering or salt. Skim the scum. We'll talk about cooling and storing tomorrow. If you MUST know now, let me know.

Take stock for instance...

Last night when I was driving the best of my best friends home from a night of BBC Comedy watching and Wii playing, my friend Vin, who is Sicilian- actually asked me about making stock. Now, Vincent can cook. Especially for a bachelor. Sometimes I ask his opinions about how to do things in the kitchen. Which matters because, heh, I have a culinary degree...and Vin doesn't.

So imagine my surprise when we discuss how to actually make chicken stock and  the difference between stock and broth. So here was my advice:

• Never, ever, ever let the bones you are using boil, you're trying to gently suck out the flavor and collagen from these bones. To put it this way: Massage the flavor out of the bones, don't punch the flavor out.
• I know you want to, really, really, really want to- but do not stir the stock. It just sends impurities throughout your stock as opposed to gently(because we're not boiling it!) floating to the top where they belong(so's you can skim the scum).
• Lastly, don't cover it. You want a really flavorful stock, so you concentrate it as much as possible, leaving a cover on does not help it reduce to the yummy and rich stock you want.
• The difference between a stock and a broth is simply this: you boil a whole chicken, you's making a broth. Stock is made from bones. Broth is made from meat. Bones...meat...*childish giggle*
• You may not know this if you buy chicken stock in can (which I do a lot, I am not ashamed to admit) but a really well made stock, when cooled, is more like Jell-O than like soup. That's because you were a good little monkey and massaged the collagen out of the bones, and guess what Jell-O is made from???

I could go on about stock for pages and pages, so if you have any questions, please leave a comment. I'm friendly, I swear. No question is too dumb.

Settle an argument for me...

Is it bad I have more pictures of my food than of my children on my phone?

A friend of mine when discussing my new career (culinary) to people says "Angela takes pictures of her food. Why do you do that? What is with you?!" I mean why not take a picture of a work of art you want to remember? I see my kids every day. When they do cool or cute stuff I take a picture. Why do I have more pictures of food than my kids? Food stays still.